Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Shaky and Twingey

Yes, I meant to say Twingey. My hands are shaking. I know it's partially a side-effect of my zoloft. And I know it sometimes happens when I'm hungry or have too much sugar or caffeine. But I have a hard time telling what's "normal" these days. So I can't tell what it's from. I recently reduced my intake of the zoloft so maybe that will help. Of course, we'll see how I react emotionally!

Let's see, what else... I get Twingey. I don't know what else to call it. It's a momentary disorientation, a tiny little explosion in the middle of my brain. It doesn't really hurt. It is like, but not really, dizziness. And I've been that way recently, too.

OK, so here's another thing. I had a good time over the weekend. I'm winning one NCAA pool and I'm in the hunt for the other. I drank some good beer. I tried in vain to see FF. But on Sunday night, she told me that:
  1. We talked Saturday night
  2. I fell asleep during our conversation
Needless to say, at first I thought, oh, it was the ambien, I sometimes have slightly hazy memories after I take ambien. Sometimes I know I write emails that are a little "off" at that point. But I've never completely forgotten about sending one, or having a conversation. So I was a little surprised. So I checked my phone, nothing, incoming or outgoing after 10:00 pm Saturday night. I even logged into the Cingular website to check their call log. Same thing. Nothing. So either there's a global conspiracy, or she's lying. Neither really makes sense. It'd be too much of a concidence that the one time I completely forget about a phone call is also the one time somehow no record is made of the call.

So I don't know what to think. She might not be lying, just confusing me with someone else.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Not live blogging

It was fun, but I became self-concious when someone came over. So I stopped. I would say a tentatively successful experiment.

So, tonight, FF tells me that we talked last night and I fell asleep on the phone.
I don't remember talking to her.
My phone doesn't list any calls either two her or from her.
I guess she could have meant IM'ing.
But she seemed pretty sure.

So, am I crazy? Has my use of ambien gotten that far off the rails? Or is she slightly mistaken? Or way mistaken?

And there's sort of a new face on the horizon, Soni. She isn't going to be a romance, but a sexual thing with no strings and emotional attachments would be good for me as I count down towards my move to Portland.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

#3

10:51... He said "Lost the ability to penetrate" Funny
10:54... Louisville up 23-10 on Stanford. Davidson up 5.

#2

10:42... They're up to 12 for 27.
10:42... Can I just say, thank god for wireless?
10:44... Say it "DeSensei Wright"
10:46.... Bob Knight doing what he does... look disgusted, blaming his players for his lousy coaching. Hey, he was choking players better than them before these bozos were even born.
10:48... Stupid Kevin Bacon/Michael Jordan shooting/blocking lame-ass commercial. Makes Bacon seem lame, Jordan like a prick.
10:50... Thing about the NCAA, it might be the only sport event where being on the east coast is better. Tip-off is already after beer time. Drinking before 11:30 is always questionable.

Live Blogging/NCAAs

OK, Is there any day ever better to work from home?

10:31... The Bud Light Rock Paper Scissors commercial. These guys play RPS like girls. What's the deal with the guy on the left? He looks like one of the kids from that Star Trek episode with Marvin Belli... Fire fire toil and smoke or whatever they said.
10:34... Tx Tech and BC. These guys are like 2 for 23. Can someone hit a shot? Please?
10:35... 7-2 after 5 minutes.
10:38... Maryland vs Davidson is the first "Can they do it?" game.

Friday, March 9, 2007

Is party affiliation a disease?

I'm pretty liberal. No, really, I am. And I vote very heavily democratic. I have to admit that I'm even registered as one. But, as any liberal in SLC knows, that's a bigger political statement in Utah than it is most places.

But anyway...
This week, some evangelical groups began to fight back on global warming... not that we should protect the world, but that, for some reason, to argue that accepting the concept of global warming was anti-evangelical.

This isn't really about evangelicals, however. Religion-as-disease will wait for another day.

How is it that anti-gay rights, cutting taxes, belief in a strong interpretation of the Second Amendment, pro-death penalty, against art funding, etc etc became one side of a single divide? Is there some kind of diagnosable condition here? Some kind of syndrome? How do gun rights and belief that welfare is bad come together? Is there some kind of bug that apparently makes strong belief in a vengeful Christian God and a strong belief in the sacred rights of hunters and hatred of the French all the same?

In the spirit of fairness, why does patchouli, white dreadlocks, and liberal social policy all end up in a bundle?

I guess I'm just a little confused sometimes.

I dress pretty conservatively. I have a conservative (and these are the old style of the word) haircut. I am in favor of gay marriage. I don't hate the French (well, at least not as a political statement.) I was against the Iraq War. I am pretty strongly pro-choice. I am in favor of the death penalty, although I think it's so poorly and unfairly applied as to be untenable in the current context. I try very hard not to follow a party line or orthodoxy. More importantly, how does half the country not like welfare as a whole? Immigration? Free choice about euthanasia? How do they make it consistent to favor draconian drug laws but only a minimum of food regulation? How can they with a straight face say that Scooter Libby committed purjury about something that didn't break the law, therefore it wasn't "real" purjury but not remember that they themselves thought President Clinton had committed purjury about something that wasn't against the law, and therefore deserved to be thrown out of office in a constitutional crisis?

What the hell?

Soooo

You know what frustrates me? People, well, women in particular, who refer to themselves as “independent” when what they mean is “selfish.”

And I have my faults. But it amazes me how many women will complain how they attract the wrong type of guy… whatever makes them “wrong.” Like the one who told me all her ex’s hung out too long and kept coming around, and how she’d been proposed to several times. You know what? She caused that. They aren’t all hanging around all of their ex’s. They’re hanging out with her. Or the one who talks about how guys seem to stalk her—because she makes contact and makes a connection, then pulls back ("independence," again).

Widening my purview

Is that spelled right?

I want to add additional subjects to this, since I only write about dating when I don't like it!

So, here's my latest rant... anyone who knows anything about what I'm talking about will think I have no idea what I'm talking about in terms of "veil of ignorance":

The veil of ignorance/original position as applied to taxes and (more broadly) social justice. What is the appropriate level of taxes? Who knows? Is it 30%? Again, who knows? The fact is that if you just ask people if they should pay more or less, of course they say they should pay less. Why wouldn’t they? If you ask someone if they think $1.00 is a fair price for a can of soda, they may say yes. But they are more likely to say yes if the price is $.85, right? If someone offers you a bottle of wine for $10, your decision will be influenced by what you are getting. “Two Buck Chuck” is clearly not worth it. A bottle of 1989 Petrus clearly is. But as we get closer to which wines you’d pay $10 for, at some point, you’d have to consider how much money you have. The Chateau Petrus is worth thousands of dollars. And some people really think that’s worth it—but they have thousands to spare. Other people consider the $10 wine a splurge, perhaps because they have less to spare. If you’re loaded, you’d think that spending $1,000 on a bottle of wine every night is ok. If you’re slightly less loaded, you might splurge on a $1,000 bottle, and on down the scale. Since there are people all up and down the income scale, it makes sense for there to be wines that meet different folks’ budgets—just like there are cars, houses, chocolates, hotels, breads, coffees, etc etc.

So think, if you don’t know how much money you have, would you want every bottle of wine to be priced at $1,000? $100? $10? Yeah, I don’t know, either. My answer is, I want a spread. That’s a veil of ignorance applied to wine quality and wine prices--even if it's not the best possible solution, it's the least bad solution at every income level.

My theory is that we look at taxes backwards. Again, if I ask if you’d rather pay $1 or $.85 for a soda, you’d say $.85—all other things being equal. And that’s the way we’ve been thinking about taxes. Things aren’t equal, though. If I told you that $1 bought you a nice, cold Coke, but the $.85 bought you a warm generic cola, most of us would choose the $1 Coke.

Or, to look at it another way, imagine we start with $.50 for unsanitary tap water. Making it safe costs $.15. Fair? Of course. Sweetened, and with cola flavor, another $.15. Carbonated, $.05. So we’re up to $.85, no questions. But that’s for a warm, generic soda. Based on sales, Coke is clearly worth it to the vast majority of consumers, despite the “extra” $.15 in the cost. Throw in the chill, it’s a no brainer. And that’s how we should think about taxes. There are services that everyone—almost everyone—thinks are clearly worth it. But for some reason we’re starting with the price, not the services.

To draw out the analogy, some of us would be willing to pay $.01 for lime flavor, and another $.01 to ensure that it comes in a glass with ice, and so on. Those may be luxuries, or not. And that’s the only place that a discussion of numbers—of tax rates—should occur, discussion which services are “worth it” to the consumers of those services, the taxpayers.

When we start at a certain level, it always makes sense to reduced taxes. But if we start at zero—no services, no government, and create government services from scratch, like a menu, we might come to a very different conclusion about our tax burden.

So, at zero, we’re in a Hobbesian world—life is cheap, but it’s also nasty, brutish, and short. There are no police. Everyone hiring their own guards is too expensive—so we all agree to throw in, say, 1% of our income for taxes. No roads for the police to get to your house? Another 1%. Schools for your kids, 1%. Someone to protect our borders, at a minimum level that would please even the most ardent pacifist, another 1%. Making sure our food and water is safe, another 2%. And so on.

How about .01% to make sure everyone has health care? And another .01% for maintaining a minimal level of childcare so poor, two-income families can ensure that their children are being cared for and educated and mentored? We still don’t have a total. The question is, do we need one yet? The Republicans among us seem to argue that we do, that deciding whether to do anything requires knowing the total. But, what I am arguing, is that (setting aside the questions of government efficiency and private provision of certain services that a government could provide) as long as we’re still “adding value” by paying for additional services, services that reduce our costs of being safe, fulfilled, and happy, why shouldn’t we? At some point, we’re paying too much, and then the government has to buy everything for us in return. At some point, no private enterprise or spending hurts the economy. And, at some extreme point, there is no more money to be spent.

But we’re not there yet. How do I know? Because, given a “veil of ignorance” none of us would select a tax/government/economic system that didn’t ensure that everyone could be healthy and happy. So if the government comes to me and says, for an extra .01%, I can ensure that all children, regardless of their own incomes, will have health insurance, I will say yes. Would you? I have insurance, and if I had children, my employer would cover them as well. But I’d pay it. Maybe I wouldn’t at 5% of my income, but it wouldn’t be. Any rational, moral person should see that the marginal .01% is worth it at every level—it’s certainly a moral imperative to provide effective health care to everyone who needs it; it saves money in the long run, as preventative care prevents long-term costs of emergency healthcare later; healthy children grow up to be productive, tax-paying members of society, and so on.

So, when we cut taxes, what are we cutting? And when someone argues that a given service would increase taxes, so what? There is no divinely-established level of taxes. It’s an accident of history that we didn’t select a different “menu” of services from our government before today. (and, as an aside, if we keep cutting taxes, where does it stop? If cutting taxes is, by definition, good, and we cut taxes now, why shouldn’t we cut more taxes later? And then where does that stop? Back at nasty, brutish and short.) If the US had, say, a system of privately funded schools that covered 80% of children, and it was proposed that we create a public school system, would you argue against that, just because it would raise taxes? Because it would. But, imagine that world, though, where the members of the "church of tax cuts", arguing that taxes would go up, and therefore it’s a bad idea? Since when is paying for a valuable service bad?

Finally, there is the question of how much we should pay to cover others. Again, before the veil of ignorance is applied, we know there will be haves and have nots. How much extra would you pay as a potential “have” to ensure that you would receive basic services and protections as a “have not?” I’m not going to argue a specific level, but I know that I am not unusual in believing that I’d pay something. I know that I’d want health care, police, schools, roads, no matter how much I’d have. In other words, I know that if I’m going to get a random can of soda, I want it to be at least the $.75 generic cola. We probably can’t afford to give everyone a Coke in a tall, cold glass with lime, ice, and a straw. But I know I don’t want to take the chance on the rusty tap water. Would you?

An additional problem, of course, is when the government tries to do too much—give us a straw—when it can’t afford it. That’s called a deficit. We have one.

Saturday, March 3, 2007

Anti-social drinking

So I had a date last night with MM. Went ok, like I said. But now it's Saturday, 5:55. I'm drinking alone.

Starting with some white wine. Nothing like an anti-social aperitif. Bitter, bitter, bitter. How can I spend a day essentially having no communications?

So here is the complete census of my interactions with humans...
1. Ordered some tea.
2. Talked to my ex. She was crying, I had to talk her down. Now that I'm alone, of course, here I am, talking to you.
3. Slight interaction with someone at Tea Grotto who asked out loud about free wireless (they have it.)
4. Does buying a plane ticket online count?
5. Paid for my tea. (I should point out they have a new cute girl working there.)
6. Bought something at PetCo or PetSmart.
7. Received a message from MM. Returned it. That was very nearly 1.5 hours ago.

Seven. Seven stinking interactions?

Oh, sent and received a total of 5 text messages between myself and AB and FF.

Wow. And I'm drinking???

There's a Doctor Who marathon on, that ends in 53 minutes. And then BBC has a new Robin Hood show. Which looks bad, but, you know, what the hell else am I going to do? I still have probably 2 glasses of white wine. And then probably 3 more of red. And I'm going to drink that, too. Because, again, what the hell else am I going to do?

I'm looking at this beautiful sunset and it's doing very little for me. I don't like being alone. I don't really care if drinking 5 glasses of wine is bad for me or not at this point. At least it's not crappy wine!

I'm moving

Probably didn't mention that. At the risk of revealing my secret identity, I'm moving some time this summer to Portland.

Which explains the situations with FF and MM. Neither wants to get into anything with someone who's leaving.

I can't imagine why. Both have kids and have a hard time separating love and sex. Too bad for me. Probably them, too.

Wow. A month.

I procrastinate, what can I say. I had a hard time being objective, got kind of sucked in. But here's the update:
AB: Still friends.
AM: Nutjob. Totally fucking crazy. When we met, she was really bitter about her ex, who was dating someone else in her office. I began to suspect her nuttiness, and lost track. One day I checked her Myspace page, and she's engaged to him again. She wanted to kill him six weeks ago.
MM: We are seeing each other, I'll probably have to give a longer update. Still not often enough.
FF: We met for the first time this week. She's got her doubts (and so do I).

Not sure there's anyone else on the horizon. Well, I met a friend of a friend who might work for hook-ups. But we'll see.

The third wave was a complete failure. Only one response, and she was just nice enough to write me to tell me she had met someone that she was going to see exclusively.

I haven't tried again. I generally get four or five contacts a week from Yahoo! but none of them are really interesting and most are, frankly, beneath me.