Funny that I always have so much to say in a theoretical blog and then when I log in, nothing. That's probably why this is the lamest blog ever. Even for one that's only for me.
Funny reading my older posts talking about KT or whatever and realizing that I was never going to win, that it just wasn't going to happen no matter what I did or how much I tried to analyze the thing. Even regardless of how right I was. Because are we ever right?
So I wonder if this should be about my interior life, or about politics or school or random comments about traffic or relationships or an attempt at humor or all or none of the above.
Writing is fun but not effortless and it often leads me to get in worse of a mood. I wonder if I want an audience, or if it's better as a confessional. I even wonder if I should keep the blog name and delete everything I've ever written on here and start over again with some kind of new personality.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
More Eli's Coming
Weather: Outside: It actually rained today!
Inside: Not much of anything. Figure 60's and mostly cloudy.
Funny that I'll wish to all hell to be able to write that it's "actually" raining in a few months, when it never stops.
Inside: Not much of anything. Figure 60's and mostly cloudy.
Funny that I'll wish to all hell to be able to write that it's "actually" raining in a few months, when it never stops.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Silence
Preferred resolutions:
1. Talking about it, even if you're mad
2. Sometimes, it's ok to pretend you're not mad, hit a reset button, forgive if possible, and just go on like nothing happened, or at least, go on.
3. Least preferable is silence.
So why are you being silent?
1. Talking about it, even if you're mad
2. Sometimes, it's ok to pretend you're not mad, hit a reset button, forgive if possible, and just go on like nothing happened, or at least, go on.
3. Least preferable is silence.
So why are you being silent?
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
More and More
My brain feels like taffy.
I feel like I'm sitting six inches behind my eyes. I'm just spectating. I can't focus. Is this the wellbutrin again?
I feel like I'm sitting six inches behind my eyes. I'm just spectating. I can't focus. Is this the wellbutrin again?
Help me
Do you hate me? Do you like me? Is this a test? When you say you want to be friends, that's one thing. It's disappointing, but I can deal with it. But, then you get mad at me for having a date? Why? Are you really mad? Why? Are you jealous? Why? Is this a test? I'm supposed to sit at home waiting for you to change your mind? How does that work? Do you just think I'm a jerk and you're mad at yourself for even considering it? Or do you like me enough that you don't trust yourself and you're pushing me away? Please tell me because I don't understand!!!!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
roller bags
Is it sexist or otherwise offensive to make fun of "men" who use roller bags in law school. because I think it's funny.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Yeah, about dinner
Ah, my latest misadventure... IM discussion, back and forth. She's in class, I'm done. The long and short of it is I ask her what she's having for dinner (cuz I'm subtle that way), she mentions she doesn't know, that she needs to go grocery shopping. She had yoga class until 7:00. I have class until 8:00. I offer to bring take-out over. She says Done!!!
I get excited; she logs off. I send a text--Just tell me what you want before 8 and I'll pick it up and come over. And then, it dawns on me... she was bored in class; which I knew. Her class was over. She was, in other words, Done!!! So I'm an idiot.
Anyway. Kind of a pointless post.
I get excited; she logs off. I send a text--Just tell me what you want before 8 and I'll pick it up and come over. And then, it dawns on me... she was bored in class; which I knew. Her class was over. She was, in other words, Done!!! So I'm an idiot.
Anyway. Kind of a pointless post.
Monday, March 3, 2008
More reminders
Worst moment... that feeling you get when you know you're about to come, and the second you do, you'll regret having sex in the first place.
It's all I have been having for a while. I guess Dana wasn't quite like that.
Reminder, no caffeine late at night, and then ambien, and then get talking into sex by someone you promised never to have sex again at least a dozen times (possibly as many as there have been times).
Reminder,when a woman thinks you're needy, don't joke about being needy. They don't like it. Also as a reminder, jokes that were funny when things were good are not very funny to her afterwards.
When a woman says she needs time to get over her last relationship and that it might be a bit of a rollercoaster, and so you should ignore the times she gets cold feet, focus on the word ignore. Listen to everything else. If she gets cold feet it's her problem, not yours. She's gotta fix that on her own. Or ask for help, besides give you a Catch-22 style romantic assignment. If I ignore you and tell you I want to stop, then you should keep on after me, and be patient. But If I really ignore and really get cold feet and really needs you to back off... well, if you can figure that out, you're a better man than I.
It's all I have been having for a while. I guess Dana wasn't quite like that.
Reminder, no caffeine late at night, and then ambien, and then get talking into sex by someone you promised never to have sex again at least a dozen times (possibly as many as there have been times).
Reminder,when a woman thinks you're needy, don't joke about being needy. They don't like it. Also as a reminder, jokes that were funny when things were good are not very funny to her afterwards.
When a woman says she needs time to get over her last relationship and that it might be a bit of a rollercoaster, and so you should ignore the times she gets cold feet, focus on the word ignore. Listen to everything else. If she gets cold feet it's her problem, not yours. She's gotta fix that on her own. Or ask for help, besides give you a Catch-22 style romantic assignment. If I ignore you and tell you I want to stop, then you should keep on after me, and be patient. But If I really ignore and really get cold feet and really needs you to back off... well, if you can figure that out, you're a better man than I.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Reminders
Today seems like a good day to renew Eli's Coming. Because even when you think things are going well, it happens. And even when you tell yourself you can handle it, sometimes you can't.
Another failed relationship. Another abortive attempt at love. Another botch job. Well-done!
I told myself a long time ago as my marriage collapsed that I wouldn't lie again. I lie easily; I'm quite good at it. I realized this week that it isn't the lying. It's the weakness of putting myself into a position where lying would be easier than not.
And, sex? I can't be alone for one stinking night, I can't just stop and go home and let go for one night? She needed space, that's it. A chance to miss me. Instead, she sees a window into a needy, lying craphead who can't help but stalk everyone he dates.
Another failed relationship. Another abortive attempt at love. Another botch job. Well-done!
I told myself a long time ago as my marriage collapsed that I wouldn't lie again. I lie easily; I'm quite good at it. I realized this week that it isn't the lying. It's the weakness of putting myself into a position where lying would be easier than not.
And, sex? I can't be alone for one stinking night, I can't just stop and go home and let go for one night? She needed space, that's it. A chance to miss me. Instead, she sees a window into a needy, lying craphead who can't help but stalk everyone he dates.
What are the possibilities
1. Bush is truly an idiot savant idiot who believes his shit.
2. Dick Cheney is really in charge (also includes #1)
Bush, Cheney, all those other guys are really nut-job Millennialists/Satan worshippers who know Iraq is failing. They want it to fail. In fact, they want it to spread. It will spread to Israel and the End of the World. Rejoice!
3. Bush is not an idiot at all, but is simple and modest in his ability to assess the world. His employees are assuming he knows what is going on. This is a constant theme in "State of Denial"--major players assert a concern to one another or to Woodward; when asked if they have told the President of their concern, they say something to the effect of "I believe he knows my concerns" even though it is incredibly apparent that he does not.
4. Cheney (I guess this is a combination) is evil.
5. Or as massively and blatantly corrupt as we joke about him being.
6. Both.
7. Did Rumsfeld know shit was going down, and denied it externally? Did he repress it internally? Or did he really not know what was going on?
Are we ready to accept the Viet Nam comparisons? Remember, it's not just a criticism, it can show us ways out:
1. Body count is a bad measure
2. "Winning" is not a strategy any more than "I'm going to win this chess game" is a strategy. How you move the pieces, that's a strategy.
3. There need to be "honest brokers" bringing in real data and information.
4. People die and American kids die heroicly but that doesn't mean that their deaths are meaningful
2. Dick Cheney is really in charge (also includes #1)
Bush, Cheney, all those other guys are really nut-job Millennialists/Satan worshippers who know Iraq is failing. They want it to fail. In fact, they want it to spread. It will spread to Israel and the End of the World. Rejoice!
3. Bush is not an idiot at all, but is simple and modest in his ability to assess the world. His employees are assuming he knows what is going on. This is a constant theme in "State of Denial"--major players assert a concern to one another or to Woodward; when asked if they have told the President of their concern, they say something to the effect of "I believe he knows my concerns" even though it is incredibly apparent that he does not.
4. Cheney (I guess this is a combination) is evil.
5. Or as massively and blatantly corrupt as we joke about him being.
6. Both.
7. Did Rumsfeld know shit was going down, and denied it externally? Did he repress it internally? Or did he really not know what was going on?
Are we ready to accept the Viet Nam comparisons? Remember, it's not just a criticism, it can show us ways out:
1. Body count is a bad measure
2. "Winning" is not a strategy any more than "I'm going to win this chess game" is a strategy. How you move the pieces, that's a strategy.
3. There need to be "honest brokers" bringing in real data and information.
4. People die and American kids die heroicly but that doesn't mean that their deaths are meaningful
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