Saturday, December 30, 2006
A random thought
Especially if you're a woman, don't say your father is your best friend. That's a little weird.
Let me sum up, no let me summarize
So I guess what I've been dancing around is the simple truth that these "dating engines" are exclusive, rather than inclusive in their processes. They give us ways to eliminate nearly everyone in the dating pool, before we take the positive action of actually contacting someone. And then, from there, the contactee is essentially given an up or down vote, there's no negotiation or middle ground.
OK, so here's where I am now... in hell!
I think I mentioned that I joined Yahoo Personals, too. All of these systems are like a candy store. You see all the options, it seems so great, you can obsess over each profile, there's so many to choose from! And then you try a second search... and they're all the same and they seem so lame except the first 4 people you picked, none of whom have contacted me back. Yeah, I switched from second to first person. Oh well. And, in some ways, having multiple systems (now three for me) only makes things more confusing and even more stressful. Too many places to check for progress, new contacts, new subscribers, etc. And the email systems are all imperfect so even though they're supposed to forward at least a notification to my personal email folder, they don't always, so I have to check three places every time the obsessive urge hits me (which is quite frequently, I'm afraid.)
AM hasn't disappeared, but after 15 emails yesterday, I'm a little confused where things stand. I shouldn't worry about it, but that's what I do. OG, on the other hand, has completely disappeared on me. Three nights ago, we did a bunch of IM'ing and even though we'd never met, we started flirting a lot and talking about sleeping over. That night. After about 45 minutes of us both trying to decide what the heck to do (I mean, what if I get there and she's heinous? I'm sure she was thinking the same thing) she tells me she's getting in the shower. During the discussion, she mentioned that she was already in bed and if I came over, she'd have to take a shower. So when she says, I'm taking a shower... I think I'm supposed to go there, right? So then I ask her where she lives. She tells me the exit and then nothing else. She logs off the IM system. She doesn't answer her emails. Her phone is turned off. So meanwhile, I've gotten dressed and am sitting in front of my computer figuring out how long she'd need to be in a shower, since she apparently forgot to send me her address, or it got cut off and she thought I got it.
Long story short, she emails me the next day, saying she fell asleep. No mention of all my emails saying "OK, I'm leaving now!" No mention at all. But a vague offer to do something over the weekend. We exchange a couple of innocent emails when apparently I have offended her... I mentioned that she changed her picture in her profile. All I can say is, the picture had changed. It was still the same picture, but it had been cropped differently. I tried explaining that, but she seemed kind of huffy (it's hard to tell in email) and I haven't heard from her since. I sent an email, a text, and a phone message. Nothing. I think I've done what I can, without stalking someone who I haven't even decided would be worth it, if I was a stalker.
I'll talk about Yahoo Personals a little. I haven't figured much out yet, but a few things:
I've gotten a few interesting nibbles, but we'll see. As always in life, the ones I want don't want me, and vice versa.
And here's another little nugget, although this comes from Match... a woman from Ogden "winks" at me. So I send her a quick email, basically saying Thanks, I'm curious, but you need to send me an email. I'm very nice about it. And about an hour later, I go back in the system and her profile's not available anymore. I mean, it shows up in "My Favorites" but there's no link to her profile. She might have taken it off line, but it was still odd.
OK, so here's where I am now... in hell!
I think I mentioned that I joined Yahoo Personals, too. All of these systems are like a candy store. You see all the options, it seems so great, you can obsess over each profile, there's so many to choose from! And then you try a second search... and they're all the same and they seem so lame except the first 4 people you picked, none of whom have contacted me back. Yeah, I switched from second to first person. Oh well. And, in some ways, having multiple systems (now three for me) only makes things more confusing and even more stressful. Too many places to check for progress, new contacts, new subscribers, etc. And the email systems are all imperfect so even though they're supposed to forward at least a notification to my personal email folder, they don't always, so I have to check three places every time the obsessive urge hits me (which is quite frequently, I'm afraid.)
AM hasn't disappeared, but after 15 emails yesterday, I'm a little confused where things stand. I shouldn't worry about it, but that's what I do. OG, on the other hand, has completely disappeared on me. Three nights ago, we did a bunch of IM'ing and even though we'd never met, we started flirting a lot and talking about sleeping over. That night. After about 45 minutes of us both trying to decide what the heck to do (I mean, what if I get there and she's heinous? I'm sure she was thinking the same thing) she tells me she's getting in the shower. During the discussion, she mentioned that she was already in bed and if I came over, she'd have to take a shower. So when she says, I'm taking a shower... I think I'm supposed to go there, right? So then I ask her where she lives. She tells me the exit and then nothing else. She logs off the IM system. She doesn't answer her emails. Her phone is turned off. So meanwhile, I've gotten dressed and am sitting in front of my computer figuring out how long she'd need to be in a shower, since she apparently forgot to send me her address, or it got cut off and she thought I got it.
Long story short, she emails me the next day, saying she fell asleep. No mention of all my emails saying "OK, I'm leaving now!" No mention at all. But a vague offer to do something over the weekend. We exchange a couple of innocent emails when apparently I have offended her... I mentioned that she changed her picture in her profile. All I can say is, the picture had changed. It was still the same picture, but it had been cropped differently. I tried explaining that, but she seemed kind of huffy (it's hard to tell in email) and I haven't heard from her since. I sent an email, a text, and a phone message. Nothing. I think I've done what I can, without stalking someone who I haven't even decided would be worth it, if I was a stalker.
I'll talk about Yahoo Personals a little. I haven't figured much out yet, but a few things:
- It doesn't tell you who just left a profile, and who has joined; this makes a big difference
- There are definitely lots of fakes, more than Match.
- I don't think the website refreshes often, so it's hard to tell who has been on or off or if they've looked at your profile.
- It has this personality test that I personally disagree with. Or at least, I disagree with its assessment of me.
I've gotten a few interesting nibbles, but we'll see. As always in life, the ones I want don't want me, and vice versa.
And here's another little nugget, although this comes from Match... a woman from Ogden "winks" at me. So I send her a quick email, basically saying Thanks, I'm curious, but you need to send me an email. I'm very nice about it. And about an hour later, I go back in the system and her profile's not available anymore. I mean, it shows up in "My Favorites" but there's no link to her profile. She might have taken it off line, but it was still odd.
Chicken Soup for Your Hole
Just met up with AB briefly. Can't decide what she's thinking... are we friends with some benefits are is she trying for more? And if I say anything about it, does it create some kind of Heisenberg-ian warping, that by talking, I mess it up. Sometimes people like not facing things, and letting them be. Sometimes a good policy, sometimes not.
It's strange, I get friendly on email pretty fast--I figure that by the time we've emailed a few times, there is some kind of interest in meeting. I mean, if the goal is just chatting and not meeting someone, join a chatroom. These are dating sites! The goal is to date, not to get people's email addresses. Am I nuts for thinking that? I can understand one or two emails, but meeting for a cup of coffee or a beer is pretty easy and safe--not much of a commitment or a cost, financially or chronologically.
I think if you look at the cost/utility ratio, just emailing eventually drops off pretty quickly as a means of screening a potential date. The cost of email (in terms of some kind of objective utility) is minimal, and the gain is very high in that you can get the preliminaries out of the way. But eventually, email doesn't give you what's most important--chemistry. And so I feel like email is more of a negative checkoff than a positive.
Let's take this from the top, looking at it as a negative checkoff system, as opposed to a positive selection system (and I believe that's what Match is--a process of getting a list of people and slowly narrowing them down).
First, you go in, put in your criteria, and do a search. That eliminates whatever percent of the original population. Wants kids, doesn't want kids, too short, won't share heroin, whatever. You eliminate the others, or the system essentially does it for you.
Then, presumably, you go through the list that Match gives you. At this point, I, at least, go through the list and eliminate those who slipped through or are obviously not a possibility... for me, those generally include people who want a partner who has never been married, or are ultra-conservative, or misspell basic words. So that gets rid of maybe 10-25% of the original list...which is less than half the population on Match to being with.
Ok, having eliminated the No-Ways, I think you go through and select the "favorites," a list of those who you presumably wouldn't mind sending email to. This is sort of a positive checkoff, I suppose. But I have many more favorites than people I've emailed. Some seemed appealing, but now aren't and I have taken them off. Others just sort of sit there. I email a few at a time.
Then they go through the same process using the emails they've received: kill, maybe, respond.
I think the big problem is that Match doesn't allow for any kind of maybe.
More later
It's strange, I get friendly on email pretty fast--I figure that by the time we've emailed a few times, there is some kind of interest in meeting. I mean, if the goal is just chatting and not meeting someone, join a chatroom. These are dating sites! The goal is to date, not to get people's email addresses. Am I nuts for thinking that? I can understand one or two emails, but meeting for a cup of coffee or a beer is pretty easy and safe--not much of a commitment or a cost, financially or chronologically.
I think if you look at the cost/utility ratio, just emailing eventually drops off pretty quickly as a means of screening a potential date. The cost of email (in terms of some kind of objective utility) is minimal, and the gain is very high in that you can get the preliminaries out of the way. But eventually, email doesn't give you what's most important--chemistry. And so I feel like email is more of a negative checkoff than a positive.
Let's take this from the top, looking at it as a negative checkoff system, as opposed to a positive selection system (and I believe that's what Match is--a process of getting a list of people and slowly narrowing them down).
First, you go in, put in your criteria, and do a search. That eliminates whatever percent of the original population. Wants kids, doesn't want kids, too short, won't share heroin, whatever. You eliminate the others, or the system essentially does it for you.
Then, presumably, you go through the list that Match gives you. At this point, I, at least, go through the list and eliminate those who slipped through or are obviously not a possibility... for me, those generally include people who want a partner who has never been married, or are ultra-conservative, or misspell basic words. So that gets rid of maybe 10-25% of the original list...which is less than half the population on Match to being with.
Ok, having eliminated the No-Ways, I think you go through and select the "favorites," a list of those who you presumably wouldn't mind sending email to. This is sort of a positive checkoff, I suppose. But I have many more favorites than people I've emailed. Some seemed appealing, but now aren't and I have taken them off. Others just sort of sit there. I email a few at a time.
Then they go through the same process using the emails they've received: kill, maybe, respond.
I think the big problem is that Match doesn't allow for any kind of maybe.
More later
Deaths, pt 2
And, there you have it. Saddam, dead. http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/meast/12/30/hussein/index.html
I guess we can be glad it wasn't someone nice.
I guess we can be glad it wasn't someone nice.
Saturday Morning
Has anyone else's week just been totally messed up because of the Monday holiday. I've sworn every day is Saturday since Wednesday.
Weather (outside): Looks sunny, I bet it's cold
Weather (inside): Not sure how it looks, but maybe warm.
Joined MySpace last night, mostly at the behest of AM. So when someone does that, does that mean she's pretty interested? I have no idea. We exchange a few emails, she shows a tiny bit of attention, I stare at her myspace pictures for a while, and I have to fight the temptation to not start thinking of her as someone I've already dated. Even though we've never met and I've never heard her voice.
And I actually joined Yahoo Personals. I'm still taking that in, but I think there are plusses and minuses from Match. I think there are more trolls out there, lots of fake or semi-fake profiles designed to get personal information. They exist on Match, too, but for the most part I think they are easy to pick out. Like Lolita26secret who just winked at me. Delete.
Weather (outside): Looks sunny, I bet it's cold
Weather (inside): Not sure how it looks, but maybe warm.
Joined MySpace last night, mostly at the behest of AM. So when someone does that, does that mean she's pretty interested? I have no idea. We exchange a few emails, she shows a tiny bit of attention, I stare at her myspace pictures for a while, and I have to fight the temptation to not start thinking of her as someone I've already dated. Even though we've never met and I've never heard her voice.
And I actually joined Yahoo Personals. I'm still taking that in, but I think there are plusses and minuses from Match. I think there are more trolls out there, lots of fake or semi-fake profiles designed to get personal information. They exist on Match, too, but for the most part I think they are easy to pick out. Like Lolita26secret who just winked at me. Delete.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Thursday night is party night
It was last night anyway.
Weather (outside): Sunny but surprisingly cold and windy.
Weather (inside): Sun's breaking through. No temperature to report.
AB came over. We drank an 11-year old Spanish wine that totally rocked. We talked a lot and drank and fooled around again. Still same feeling about the lack of feeling. She's cool and I like her, but even when we're kissing I'm vaguely wondering why.
In other news, it's been pretty up and down on my dating/Match front.
The "new wave" was a complete failure... Not a single response. I was pretty disenheartened. However, for some unknown reason, I emailed someone I'd emailed when I was first starting and she emailed back and we seem to be hitting it off. It really came in the nick of time, I was beginning to despair. We can call her AM. It turns out we know someone in common, so that might be interesting.
So what else have we learned? Lots of people of both genders cut off their searches at 35. Being a year or two older than that, I end up writing lots of people who aren't technically looking for me. I can drink, run, or whatever most 30 year olds, so I don't know why I should get cut out, but life's like that, right?
Weather (outside): Sunny but surprisingly cold and windy.
Weather (inside): Sun's breaking through. No temperature to report.
AB came over. We drank an 11-year old Spanish wine that totally rocked. We talked a lot and drank and fooled around again. Still same feeling about the lack of feeling. She's cool and I like her, but even when we're kissing I'm vaguely wondering why.
In other news, it's been pretty up and down on my dating/Match front.
The "new wave" was a complete failure... Not a single response. I was pretty disenheartened. However, for some unknown reason, I emailed someone I'd emailed when I was first starting and she emailed back and we seem to be hitting it off. It really came in the nick of time, I was beginning to despair. We can call her AM. It turns out we know someone in common, so that might be interesting.
So what else have we learned? Lots of people of both genders cut off their searches at 35. Being a year or two older than that, I end up writing lots of people who aren't technically looking for me. I can drink, run, or whatever most 30 year olds, so I don't know why I should get cut out, but life's like that, right?
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
More random thoughts.
So I consider myself a patient person. But I'm not really, but I am. I don't like things not under my control. Waiting for someone in that "new wave" to respond, even if it's a get lost.
Oh, another idea... Maybe the system could tell you what happened to your email. If it was deleted, that tells you something. I know you can pay extra to see when someone has opened the email, but that's not the same thing, even if it was for free.
Just a thought.
I'm seeing someone tomorrow night... AB. She and I have been out a few times, drank some wine. Actually rather a lot. We kissed, the most success I've had so far, if that's how you measure it. Is it bad to say, she's a bad kisser? She brought new meaning to the expression "Putting your tongue down someone's throat." And in terms of real success, well, I guess that would be some kind of chemistry or longing or butterflies. I don't have those with her, which is too bad. I don't know what she feels. Anyway, she had a birthday recently and I kind of promised her last week that I'd give her a special bottle of wine. And I'm keeping the promise. Not that she's bad to hang out with, she's fun. Like I said, not much chemistry.
It's funny, when I like someone and feel the chemistry and they don't, I have a hard time getting it. I mean, can't she feel it, too??? She's crazy! She's not open to feeling it!!! This is a generic "she" at this point. But on the other end, I can't explain it. It's not quite a reaction to her physically. It's not quite a reaction to her emotionally or intellectually, she's by far the smartest person I've met through this process. It's just not clicking for me. I hope she doesn't say the things that I think when I'm in her boat. A good lesson for me.
Oh, another idea... Maybe the system could tell you what happened to your email. If it was deleted, that tells you something. I know you can pay extra to see when someone has opened the email, but that's not the same thing, even if it was for free.
Just a thought.
I'm seeing someone tomorrow night... AB. She and I have been out a few times, drank some wine. Actually rather a lot. We kissed, the most success I've had so far, if that's how you measure it. Is it bad to say, she's a bad kisser? She brought new meaning to the expression "Putting your tongue down someone's throat." And in terms of real success, well, I guess that would be some kind of chemistry or longing or butterflies. I don't have those with her, which is too bad. I don't know what she feels. Anyway, she had a birthday recently and I kind of promised her last week that I'd give her a special bottle of wine. And I'm keeping the promise. Not that she's bad to hang out with, she's fun. Like I said, not much chemistry.
It's funny, when I like someone and feel the chemistry and they don't, I have a hard time getting it. I mean, can't she feel it, too??? She's crazy! She's not open to feeling it!!! This is a generic "she" at this point. But on the other end, I can't explain it. It's not quite a reaction to her physically. It's not quite a reaction to her emotionally or intellectually, she's by far the smartest person I've met through this process. It's just not clicking for me. I hope she doesn't say the things that I think when I'm in her boat. A good lesson for me.
The next wave
Weather (outside): Scattered rain, surprisingly warm. Sun poking through.
Weather (inside): Cloudy... sun not to be found.
So this is called "the next wave" because, well, there is a new wave of contacts I've made. I guessed, correctly, that the holidays would inspire some to join the system, or give others incentive to try again. So I found like 15 or so women (it this sounds so bad to talk about it like this!!!) who met my general requirements (again, bad, but the system basically forces us to put the others into buckets... we can either email, or not. We can respond, or not. More about theories of this later.) So I found like 15 "new" women, of those, I fell out of the preferred age category of maybe 5. But I usually don't let that stop me, they can reject me if it's that important to them. I emailed 5 of them last night.
Now, I try very hard to make sure I read their profiles carefully and customize my emails to them. Not because I want to flatter them, but because I want them to know that's what kind of guy I am, and honestly, because I want to be sure that I know why I want to contact them, beyond what is hopefully a good picture. So I write what I think are decent emails to the women I contact, and I certainly hope they appreciate it.
But the question is: what is a good success rate of responses? It seems to be about 1 in 5, just taking a guess. Is that good? I don't know. And then, I've also found that an enthusiastic response with an enthusiastic re-response, well, that's no guarantee that they're interested. Which I find strange. Maybe they think it's polite to write a long response because I did? But I've had several where I can only guess my response to her response did something to turn them away. In any case, I sent the emails late last night. I know that several of them have been read and the woman has looked at my profile (another ripe topic of discussion, how that works), but haven't responded. Two of them, I do fall outside their age range, by two years. So I can't be too disappointed. So I don't know how long to wait. I guess I just keep waiting, I mean, what else am I supposed to do? I guess not everyone deals with these emails transactionally. Not everyone makes an immediate decision one way or the other. And even if they do, may not write back immediately.
I think one of the flaws of the system. No, won't go there. It's not a flaw, it's a natural result of how the system is set up, there are three things you can do with a profile you've read:
Weather (inside): Cloudy... sun not to be found.
So this is called "the next wave" because, well, there is a new wave of contacts I've made. I guessed, correctly, that the holidays would inspire some to join the system, or give others incentive to try again. So I found like 15 or so women (it this sounds so bad to talk about it like this!!!) who met my general requirements (again, bad, but the system basically forces us to put the others into buckets... we can either email, or not. We can respond, or not. More about theories of this later.) So I found like 15 "new" women, of those, I fell out of the preferred age category of maybe 5. But I usually don't let that stop me, they can reject me if it's that important to them. I emailed 5 of them last night.
Now, I try very hard to make sure I read their profiles carefully and customize my emails to them. Not because I want to flatter them, but because I want them to know that's what kind of guy I am, and honestly, because I want to be sure that I know why I want to contact them, beyond what is hopefully a good picture. So I write what I think are decent emails to the women I contact, and I certainly hope they appreciate it.
But the question is: what is a good success rate of responses? It seems to be about 1 in 5, just taking a guess. Is that good? I don't know. And then, I've also found that an enthusiastic response with an enthusiastic re-response, well, that's no guarantee that they're interested. Which I find strange. Maybe they think it's polite to write a long response because I did? But I've had several where I can only guess my response to her response did something to turn them away. In any case, I sent the emails late last night. I know that several of them have been read and the woman has looked at my profile (another ripe topic of discussion, how that works), but haven't responded. Two of them, I do fall outside their age range, by two years. So I can't be too disappointed. So I don't know how long to wait. I guess I just keep waiting, I mean, what else am I supposed to do? I guess not everyone deals with these emails transactionally. Not everyone makes an immediate decision one way or the other. And even if they do, may not write back immediately.
I think one of the flaws of the system. No, won't go there. It's not a flaw, it's a natural result of how the system is set up, there are three things you can do with a profile you've read:
- Ignore (either entirely or just back in the "waitlist" pile)
- Wink, which some people seem to prefer but most seem to dislike. I'm not sure what winking indicates. Is it an icebreaker, just wanted to point myself out? Or is it a lazy form of an email? Or, thirdly, is it some kind of hint that you want to hook up, but aren't interested in them romantically?
- Email them. Self explanatory.
And then, well, the person has four choices back...
- Ignore/delete
- Send a "no, thanks"... no one has ever sent one of those to me, and I don't know if any else sends them, either.
- Wink back. This seems to be rare, but has happened.
- Reply.
And, as I've discussed, a Email/Reply sequence doesn't guarantee anything. And, with the way it's set up, unless they reply right away, you can't tell if they're interested but busy, hate you, or, and this is where it almost becomes a flaw... they might have been interested but you said one or two wrong things. In other words, there's no discussion. Maybe that's how it has to work... but I'm going to think about this and try to figure out how an intermediate response, sort of a non-committal "OK, tell me more" or a way of asking about something that you found interesting, or something that pointed you away from the person, a kind of "Did you mean X like that?"
Because I think the current system creates an environment that forces people into a too much of a binary decision... yes or no. But in the real world, there's discussion, a gray area, a maybe.
Hmmmn. Something to think about.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Deaths
If big deaths come in threes, we have one more. James Brown, Gerald Ford, and....?
But a topic of discussion at upcoming dates I hope.
But a topic of discussion at upcoming dates I hope.
On with what I've learned (tm)
OK, I'm going to anger some people, but I'm just trying to be honest here.
6. Spell check. I mean, really. Especially in headlines...
7. And that's even worse if you try to describe yourself as smart.
8. I love it when someone wants someone smart and successful but lists "brainiac" as a turnoff.
9. While I'm the smarts roll, when they ask what book you read last, unless you genuinely want to attract a rockhead, say something... Make up a book you read that no one would test you on. To Kill a Mockingbird, maybe. Or something about dating.
10. I'm going to revise my rules about lying. Here goes. Don't lie about something I can verify within your profile. Don't lie about something that will become obvious on our first date. Don't lie about something critical. Nothing wrong with a little spin, like listing To Kill a Mockingbird as your last book read, or saying you like taking walks. Those are ok. You are selling yourself, after all.
I want to point out that I did not knowingly lie about anything in my profile.
11. There are some categories that some people all lie--or bend the truth--on. Like the drinking question. With the categories they've described, "Drink Daily" makes you sound like a lush. Meaning that 95% of drinkers select "drink socially" as their drinking level.
On a completely other subject, not relating to dating sites, what's up with people who flirt and flirt and even talk (nonspecifically and noncommittally, but still) about doing things. And then when you get up the courage to ask them out... "Oh, I have a boyfriend, but here's my number." Variations of that have happened three times this fall. Could it be me? Sure it can. But I used to throw a "we" in there somewhere so people would get a little hint that I was involved with someone romantically. One woman and I discussed going out to dinner (again, kind of non-specifically) as part of a 2-hour conversation at a party, then gave me her number and left. I called two days later. "Oh, I have a boyfriend." What the hell? I think it should come up before the single guy you've been flirting with calls you at home. Yes, before then would be a good time.
6. Spell check. I mean, really. Especially in headlines...
7. And that's even worse if you try to describe yourself as smart.
8. I love it when someone wants someone smart and successful but lists "brainiac" as a turnoff.
9. While I'm the smarts roll, when they ask what book you read last, unless you genuinely want to attract a rockhead, say something... Make up a book you read that no one would test you on. To Kill a Mockingbird, maybe. Or something about dating.
10. I'm going to revise my rules about lying. Here goes. Don't lie about something I can verify within your profile. Don't lie about something that will become obvious on our first date. Don't lie about something critical. Nothing wrong with a little spin, like listing To Kill a Mockingbird as your last book read, or saying you like taking walks. Those are ok. You are selling yourself, after all.
I want to point out that I did not knowingly lie about anything in my profile.
11. There are some categories that some people all lie--or bend the truth--on. Like the drinking question. With the categories they've described, "Drink Daily" makes you sound like a lush. Meaning that 95% of drinkers select "drink socially" as their drinking level.
On a completely other subject, not relating to dating sites, what's up with people who flirt and flirt and even talk (nonspecifically and noncommittally, but still) about doing things. And then when you get up the courage to ask them out... "Oh, I have a boyfriend, but here's my number." Variations of that have happened three times this fall. Could it be me? Sure it can. But I used to throw a "we" in there somewhere so people would get a little hint that I was involved with someone romantically. One woman and I discussed going out to dinner (again, kind of non-specifically) as part of a 2-hour conversation at a party, then gave me her number and left. I called two days later. "Oh, I have a boyfriend." What the hell? I think it should come up before the single guy you've been flirting with calls you at home. Yes, before then would be a good time.
Weather Report 12/26/06
Weather report (out): Cloudy, chance of snow.
Weather report (in): The same, I'm afraid.
Weather report (in): The same, I'm afraid.
Don't email while doped up
I'm normally an ambien guy. But a friend gave me some seroquel and I took it. And apparently I decided to send the woman I'd just had a date with (AR) an email. And it was very embarrassing. I didn't proposition her, but it was kind of disrespectful (in a funny way), and asked her a question that I'd already asked her.
Although I do have a theory that the friend sent it... it just didn't sound like me.
In any case, AR responded gracefully and we'll see. I called her earlier and left a message.
Now, with cell phones and all that, how long do you wait before you can call back? At some point, it becomes stalking. If you call too soon, you're not giving them a chance to get back. If you don't, well, you have to wait and be alone.
Although I do have a theory that the friend sent it... it just didn't sound like me.
In any case, AR responded gracefully and we'll see. I called her earlier and left a message.
Now, with cell phones and all that, how long do you wait before you can call back? At some point, it becomes stalking. If you call too soon, you're not giving them a chance to get back. If you don't, well, you have to wait and be alone.
The 26th
Wow, being alone on the 26th is almost worse than being alone on Christmas. I stayed with my family for the weekend, so I don't technically know what it's like to be alone on the 25th.
So here's a story... this woman and I (let's call her OG), well we've been talking on line. But OG is a flake. She always has an excuse... left cellphone in office...turned ringer off by mistake...working out and lost track of time... What the heck happened to manners? I mean, who'd have thought that cellphones would become an excuse. I always thought that they gave us new ways of excusing an absence, but not creating one. Oh well. So I sat around again tonight. I sent OG a reply saying I still wanted to meet her, if she wanted, but she had to make the next move.
So here's a story... this woman and I (let's call her OG), well we've been talking on line. But OG is a flake. She always has an excuse... left cellphone in office...turned ringer off by mistake...working out and lost track of time... What the heck happened to manners? I mean, who'd have thought that cellphones would become an excuse. I always thought that they gave us new ways of excusing an absence, but not creating one. Oh well. So I sat around again tonight. I sent OG a reply saying I still wanted to meet her, if she wanted, but she had to make the next move.
The first lessons
OK, for people of either gender, a few things I've noticed that might help you:
1. Don't lie about things that I can see in your picture. If you're, you know, overweight, you might as well check that box in your profile. Or age. A little creative editing makes sense, but don't say you're 29 when you're 43. Cuz I'm gonna see your picture either way.
2. Some words mean funny things when I read them. Like Sassy. For some reason "sassy" is as generic as words come for a woman. I don't know what sassy means. It's like a guy saying they're "generous" or "open" or something. So get some better words.
3. Oh, another word... Independent. For some reason, the more a woman insists that she's independent, the more I think what they really mean is "selfish." Because that's what I've seen so far.
4. Take a good picture.
5. And speaking of good pictures, don't post six pictures of you with 5 other women (or guys, for you guys) so I can't tell which one you are.
1. Don't lie about things that I can see in your picture. If you're, you know, overweight, you might as well check that box in your profile. Or age. A little creative editing makes sense, but don't say you're 29 when you're 43. Cuz I'm gonna see your picture either way.
2. Some words mean funny things when I read them. Like Sassy. For some reason "sassy" is as generic as words come for a woman. I don't know what sassy means. It's like a guy saying they're "generous" or "open" or something. So get some better words.
3. Oh, another word... Independent. For some reason, the more a woman insists that she's independent, the more I think what they really mean is "selfish." Because that's what I've seen so far.
4. Take a good picture.
5. And speaking of good pictures, don't post six pictures of you with 5 other women (or guys, for you guys) so I can't tell which one you are.
I've been single since June. I live in Salt Lake City now. My exwife and I are still friends, which I guess is odd. But things are still tangled up, so we have to communicate. And if we're going to communicate, it might as well be civil, right?
By late July, I'd had a date with a friend. She's cute, but we had zero chemistry. Or I should say, she has no chemistry. Luckily we're still friends. But she also has this weird habit of texting me when I don't contact her. I guess she's trying to be nice, but it took me a little while to realize that that was all it was.
In August, I had some dates with another friend. She's LDS, I am not. That came and went, I'll just say that. I may have comments about her at some point when I start bellybutton staring and stop expositioning.
In mid-December, I started using one of the online pay dating services. We'll just call them match.com. Anyway, that in itself has been interesting. I've been on several dates with several women with varying levels of success. Well, they don't vary that much seeing as I'm working on this blog and not exchanging meaningful glances with the girl of my dreams.
By late July, I'd had a date with a friend. She's cute, but we had zero chemistry. Or I should say, she has no chemistry. Luckily we're still friends. But she also has this weird habit of texting me when I don't contact her. I guess she's trying to be nice, but it took me a little while to realize that that was all it was.
In August, I had some dates with another friend. She's LDS, I am not. That came and went, I'll just say that. I may have comments about her at some point when I start bellybutton staring and stop expositioning.
In mid-December, I started using one of the online pay dating services. We'll just call them match.com. Anyway, that in itself has been interesting. I've been on several dates with several women with varying levels of success. Well, they don't vary that much seeing as I'm working on this blog and not exchanging meaningful glances with the girl of my dreams.
Starting out
OK, I'm starting a new blog here... I'm recently single. I live in Salt Lake City. I'm in my mid-30's. And now I'm dating. HORRORS!
And I guess I thought it would be helpful to myself or funny to others to hear my mis-adventures.
So here goes.
And I guess I thought it would be helpful to myself or funny to others to hear my mis-adventures.
So here goes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
