The last time I was in this house, Christy was with me. We’d already discussed that things were over, but she came down here and stayed in this house, my family’s house. We shared a bed, although it was chaste as can be. At the wedding, we kind of hung out, dancing to the extent that either of us dances. We took a walk down to the river. It was a cool night, it’d been raining, but the low-lying clouds were breaking, giving us a great view of the canyon and the moon above it. We walked out to the deck where the wedding took place. I didn’t know what to do. I was then, and still am amazed today, at her beauty. I hoped on some level that she was reaching out to me, that it was a chance to be alone, to have big ol’ me give her a big bear hug and get her warm. We eventually drove back from the wedding, just the two of us, the only ones staying at this house. We did a quick hot tub, we got ready for bed, we got into bed. We talked a little. I really wanted to kiss her, not from a romantic perspective, just from an affection, connection way. So I rolled over and kissed her on the cheek. I told her I felt like a little kid, stealing away a kiss. She said she felt the same way. Except I think she meant it the opposite, that I made her feel like a little kid by getting her wrapped up and tucked in and then kissing her goodnight.
In any case, she didn’t stay long in the morning. I needed pills just to fall asleep, so I wasn’t peppy when she needed to pull out. She left, quiet, not intending to be rude, but coming across slightly that way given my hopes for a moment of affection. Those hopes were left a little unfulfilled. So I went back to sleep, but I didn’t like it.
Christy in many ways is the best person I’ve been with in a long time, certainly a archetype of who I’d like to be with, one of the overall most attractive. We had lots of differences: age, religion, she doesn’t drink, and some level of chemistry that she didn’t feel. I can neither confirm nor deny its existence, other than she didn’t feel it, and that’s enough.
I still get occasional reminders. I was never in love with her, but I have flashes of “Why?!?!” where I reflect on what I liked about her—her personality, her sarcasm, her incredible smile, long legs, great hair, sweet personality, childlike in some ways, and very mature in others. I miss those things. I find that as I look for women to date since then, I’m comparing them to her. Doesn’t seem fair, does it?
In any case, she didn’t stay long in the morning. I needed pills just to fall asleep, so I wasn’t peppy when she needed to pull out. She left, quiet, not intending to be rude, but coming across slightly that way given my hopes for a moment of affection. Those hopes were left a little unfulfilled. So I went back to sleep, but I didn’t like it.
Christy in many ways is the best person I’ve been with in a long time, certainly a archetype of who I’d like to be with, one of the overall most attractive. We had lots of differences: age, religion, she doesn’t drink, and some level of chemistry that she didn’t feel. I can neither confirm nor deny its existence, other than she didn’t feel it, and that’s enough.
I still get occasional reminders. I was never in love with her, but I have flashes of “Why?!?!” where I reflect on what I liked about her—her personality, her sarcasm, her incredible smile, long legs, great hair, sweet personality, childlike in some ways, and very mature in others. I miss those things. I find that as I look for women to date since then, I’m comparing them to her. Doesn’t seem fair, does it?
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