Lying, revisited

Well, not really revisited. Just thought I'd talk about it. And spin. And selling yourself online. Selling figuratively, anyway.

The thing with these online systems is that they turn romance, chemistry, and the search for love into a game, and into a selling opportunity. Because you (ok, I mean, I) don't want to "lose," I cast my net wide and try to avoid saying things that might turn someone away from me. Which isn't what I'd want to do "in real life." I have my standards, and I have a personality that doesn't appeal to everyone, and someone who wants someone who does, say, country line dancing is not going to be a good match for me.

Maybe I should re-write my profile in a way that makes me seem more definitive. Rather than trying to not turn off women across the whole spectrum of acceptability, I could try to be bold and find someone who says "Holy Shit! This person is cool!" Screw everyone else, right?

So I'm not really talking about lying I guess. Just the choice of how to sell ourselves. My old rule of don't lie about anything I can verify on your profile or the first date is more important than I realized. It's not just hiding stuff. It's also positively reinforcing what it is that we want. I find myself, for example, pretending not to care how smart my potential dates are. But I do. And yet I find myself interacting with people who don't match that standard because I'm afraid to eliminate them. I would want them to do the same with me... wouldn't I? Unless they want to just hook up. But there's no box to check for that, so I can't ask.... "if you're dumb, it's ok as long as we screw. Otherwise, leave me alone."

The damn fear of rejection thing. Some people have fear of abandonment. I have fear of rejection. It's amazing what I'll go through just to avoid rejection from someone that I would reject if I didn't think they were going to reject me. That makes no sense.