What it sounds like when I sleep, or try to sleep.
Why I do what I do.
I want to tell her I love her.
I'm distant, I observe. But it doesn't mean I don't feel. How did it turn into a defense mechanism. Sometimes I observe things too closely and it hurts a true exchange. Even when I'm listening to the other person, it's like there's a voice repeating the words back to me.
I always work on owning my reactions now. I think I could write a book about that.
I am so much happier being Rachel's friend now, but I still want more, at least to experiment with.
What are my normal moods?
Why can I just say things? Some people can talk without an editor between brain and mouth. I'm all editor between brain and mouth.
I want to express to her things other than being lonely, that there are thing in my life I need help about even if I wasn't lonely.
I wish I'd asked for help. I couldn't figure out who wasn't part of the problem (everyone but me, of course) so I couldn't have asked for help, even if I'd known what for or who to ask.
I'm naturally observant and analytical, but that shouldn't get in the way of me opening up to people.
I edit things down so people don't think I'm stalking them.
What is it like in my brain? What do I see and hear in there?
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