Sunday Sunday Sunday

Weather (outside): sunny and cold.
Weather (inside): A bit of haze.

Well, here we are. Update time. Not too many updates, really. Did some high level flirting with AB. We've clearly decided we aren't going to date, but we seem to have agreed to have sex. Not to be blunt in any way. I like the attitude... I'm still not super attracted to her, she needs to drop about 15-20 pounds. It's kind of a spare tire, too. Not to be mean. But she seems to want to and I decided early on that when a woman wants to come over, have a bottle of wine, screw, and then she'll leave, well, it's hard not to agree to that.

ML is gone. It's disappointing, but that's how it goes. Even though I think we could have had fun, I guess that we aren't going to. And if she reacted like that, there's something else--I can't have a relationship with someone with that kind of attitude about relationships.

HG... Well, saw HG on Thursday night. Had a really good time. We talked Saturday. I'm trying to figure it out. She's really easy for me to be with. She seems to find it easy to be with me. We have good kisses. She has her own life, which is good, but I'm not sure how I can fit into it. If my experiences over the last few months have taught me anything, I need to include my "special someone" into my life, and me into theirs. Not every day. Not all the time. I'm not 100% sure how to describe it--I want to be the default option? Not that I won't be with her... but I'm not now. I haven't been on Match in several days, I don't really want to, I think I could date just her, but only seeing her once a week isn't going to cut it for me.

But I also don't want to push her. It's still her life. With a kid and a very hard job, I expect she can't just incorporate me, even if she wanted to.

Yeah, and the irony of what I just said about AB isn't lost. I don't feel like I need the sex. But it would be fun. And I like the idea of being exclusive with HG. Can I be strong enough to do that, just for myself? I'm fairly certain she's not sleeping with anyone else, so should I pay her that respect and keep myself clean? Er, so to speak.

It's interesting who I've liked and who I haven't. At the same time, it's been interesting who has liked me and who hasn't. HG doesn't really fulfill my list of objective criteria--if I made a composite of "my type" she doesn't fall into those parameters. She doesn't fall very far outside them, however. When it gets down to it, I just feel comfortable with her. Our first kiss was nice but not too dramatic. I'm sexually attracted to her without lusting after her. We touch each other easily. We'll see if we can entertain each other for longer.

It's hard, I don't look at her and think "she's the one" in the way I thought I would. I don't know if it's because I've grown up, or she isn't. But if she's not, what is she?

Arrg.